Remembering a Childhood Fear

So tomorrow, Car is going to hike Mt. Pinatubo with his cousins and as much as I’m going to miss being with him today and tomorrow, I’m glad he’s going 🙂 I can’t wait for him to see face to face the thing that caused us a lot of trouble when we were younger.  It’s very beautiful, really.  And more than anything, it tells us that God can do miracles – the thing that scared me the most about 20years ago can really be a source of peace when you look at it now.

I hiked Mt. Pinatubo a few years back with some Nikon Club friends and it was one of the experiences which closed a lot of things in my heart ❤

More than three years ago, I conquered a childhood fear, and here’s what I wrote in my Old Multiply blog back in November 2008:

The eruption of Mt. Pinatubo happened when I was in grade school, year 1991. I remember, one very dark 10 o’clock morning, I asked Aunty Pe: “Hanggang kailan sasabog yung Pinatubo?”.

She then replied: “Mga 10 years daw…“.

That’s one of the saddest thoughts I have in my life. I still remember how fearful I felt on the thought that for 10 years, we will experience mornings as dark as nights. We will hear stones falling on our roofs. We will breathe ashes. Our gardens would be filled with pilled up fallen ash, and a lot of white stones of different sizes from the volcano. Ten years of walking about a few hundred meters away from our home and check out if Abacan river has flowing lahar, and if it’s eating up the land that it passes, that if it gets nearer we’d have to move out. Ten years of going under the table whenever there is an earthquake because of an eruption.

Of course, history will tell us that it did not happen. I searched on the net, and the last eruption happened in 1994. Lahar flows still happend even after the eruptions as long as there were rains that  carried the boulders, rocks and sand from the volcano. I’m still very thankful that we were safe in those times, though we had to evacuate once. But we still live in the same house today as we did back then.

But I was seven at that time. I was really really sad and fearful.

So this whole Mt. Pinatubo trip for me was, conquering a childhood fear. While walking through the rocks, streams, sands, my past came rushing back to me. I felt like seven again – seven and afraid. What if this erupted again while I’m there? What if I slipped on these big rocks and have an amnesia? What if I fall down somewhere and break my teeth (Yes, I thought about my teeth not arms nor legs). I’m really very blessed to be with the folks from the Nikon club on this trek. They made it fun and bearable. Thanks NCP folks, you guys are amazing!

But, as the team walked, the mountains were quiet. All we can hear were flowing streams of water, once in a while chirpping birds, occassional gust of wind, and then, just our own sounds. God’s favor was with us because we didn’t even see the sun.

Of course, if the sun was there, we could have have better pics, but maybe we got dehydrated if that was the case. Not to mention the sunburn that we will get!

For a few moments, I had my iPod on. I was staring into these big rocks, big masses of sand, small white stones that reminded me of my past fears. But all I can sing about at that time was Chris Tomlin’s Indescribable. Because really, none can fathom how awesome God’s creation is. Oh, I was grumbling half the time because I’m do not exercise a lot, so this whole 3 1/2 hour trek was  a real obstacle to me.  But really, the journey to the crater was humbling. You will see boulders larger than you are, and you will just think, who am I? As we walk past the walls of sand, you will really realize, how small and insignificant you are. Nothing beats a 3 1/2 trek on God’s creations to clear your mind, make you think and just thank Him for what He has done.

The hardest part was the last stretch, no sands anymore, just streams and rocks that we have to pass through, and the way we have to trek was inclined already. We’re nearing the top. The last that we had to go through are a couple of ladder steps of big rocks. Each step takes a big effort because of each rock’s height.

But you are not prepared that on the last step you are talking, the volcano’s crater would be very visible already. And as I reach the last step and had a glance of the crater, I just said “WOW!”.

I wish I was richer to buy landscape lenses, to be able to take better photos. Or that I have a higher grade camera. But even if I have those, I don’t think I would be able to capture how powerful and majestic and awesome the sight was. You would feel that you just tremble in fear.

It was really amazing. I even went down to the crater and had my picture taken  in front of it. Seventeen years after, I am face to face with the thing that scared me most when I was seven. God is faithful.

And I think at that moment, what scared me back then, looked marvelous and awesome and majestic and beautiful and serene.

I can just watch in awe and whisper, how great is our God 🙂


One Comment Add yours

  1. Lady says:

    Beautiful! What an experience you had inggit ako,hehe. I wish I have the courage to hike,what more visit Mt. Pinatubo and enjoy God’s gift!

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